It’s hard not to agree with the viewpoint that Facebook is full to the brim with misogyny. Of course there’s misogyny on Facebook. I’m on it, waving my dick around like it’s a flag. Most of it is light hearted fun. A large proportion of it however is genuinely disturbing. There’s a fine line between satire and stupid. When you make a satirical page about how great rape is you’ve probably crossed that line and that’s a line even I wouldn’t go near.
Anyway, here’s my solution to the problem…
The word ‘rape’ should auto-change on posting to ‘love’. That way if I were to post a comment, say to my friend Jake, instead of reading as follows:
“Jake, I am going to rape the shit out of your mouth” it would become,
“Jake, I am going to love the shit out of your mouth.”
If you’re wondering why I picked Jake, it’s because out of everybody I know he has the prettiest mouth.
Actually, in hindsight, that’s probably more horrifying. Loving somebody in the mouth? It’s kind of trundling into Silence of the Lambs territory now…
Whatever, I think there’s still room for this system to work. We just need to change more stuff. The word ‘shit’ could become ‘wondrous bum rainbows’ and ‘ass’ could change to ‘grape sniffer’ and we could change ‘dick’ to ‘rake.’
“I’m going to love your grape sniffer till you shoot wondrous bum rainbows! God, my rake is hard!”
It’s hard to offend or scare when you’re talking about bum rainbows.
There’s something creepy and disturbing about the term ‘grape sniffer’ though that I can’t quite put my finger on. I’ll admit, it’s not a perfect system but it’s a damned good start.
Alternatively, people could just self-moderate and not be idiots. Whoops. Silly me, I forgot, that doesn’t work on the internet. When you’re piloting a keyboard like some vulgarity virtuoso it enlarges your balls by a factor of ten, makes you an academic, a cage fighter, and gives you a 12 inch dick that vibrates and is harder than Clint Eastwood chewing bubble gum, or at least Clint Eastwood’s idea of bubble gum, which is blocks of granite.